Half-Wit Half Marathon & Quarter-Wit Half-a-Half Trail Run Reading, PA   Mar 24, 2024

It used to be that the “epitome of purity” were the teenage daughters on TV family sitcoms. Then, it recently came out that the actress that played Marcia Brady, the “purist” of the pure, later traded sex and naked pictures of herself to secure drugs. Valerie Bertinelli was barely out of her teens and still on “One Day at a Time” before she was married and cheated on rocker Eddie Van Halen. Miley Cyrus could hardly wait to discard her Hannah Montana outfits, in fact, all of her clothes; and finding a picture of her in her 20’s while “dressed” was like trying to find a condom in a convent. However, she DID have an excuse; as her recent hit says, she “Used to be Young” (THIS from a 31 year old; that is “less old” than most of my wardrobe).

Is ANYTHING totally “pure” anymore? YES, the LEGENDARY HALF WIT HALF (and Half-a-Half); purely stupid events if ever there was one (or two). Since the passing of Jerry Springer (and, as a result, the end of his show), the Half Wit Half has become the NEW mecca for the “slow of mind and, in some cases, slow of foot” yet also for the Type A’s that don’t think a race is challenging enough unless its run “west” in the “east-bound” lanes of the Schuylkill Expressway during rush hour.

Like all PCS events on Mt Penn, it has loads of rocks, roots, branches, poor footing, uncaring on-course support. It also has a last 2 miles of trail that will make hearty men wet themselves & hearty women fondly remember labor during childbirth. Yet, on the plus side, it has unique aide stations w/alternate beverages, a very well-marked course, probably our most memorable shirt annually, a covered finishing area, a cash bar at the finish, etc.

Bit off more than you can chew? NO PROBLEEMO!! We’ve converted the course to a 6.55M loop that you can decide, in mid-course, if you wish to run it once or twice, just like some of our other trail races. Providing that you finish the 1st loop in less than 1 hr., 45 minutes (just a shade below a 17 minute per mile average), you can go on and do another loop to get the full half; or if you decide that that is a REALLY stupid idea; finish in the Quarter Wit; there are awards in each. Now, if you need more than 1 hr., 45 minutes to do the first loop, we WILL count you in the Quarter Wit and when you finally come to your senses, YOU WILL THANK US!!! The Half Wit Half; the only place you can feel like a “superior being” other than your spouse’s family functions.

IMPORTANT! YOU SOLEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR SAFETY AND WELFARE IN THIS RACE! Clip yur clavicle? Crawl to an aide station; we’ll drive you back. Fug-up yur funnybone? Crawl to an aide station; we’ll drive you back. Get lost? Won’t happen! Even a moron could follow this course. But since you’ll be running with a LOT of morons, ask someone you meet in the woods for directions (providing they are not masked & have a meat clever for a hand). Even 1 lap of this course is a HECK of a workout, so those not welcome include anyone under 14 that cannot run by themselves (unless pre-approved), anyone who ever made an email friend with a formerly “unknown” disposed Minister of Finance from Nigeria & anyone who has an affinity for chewing tobacco or snuff while running. Those especially welcome are folks that support their local running stores, those that can’t keep their feet still when bluegrass music comes on and anyone who ever used the term “I’m rubber. You’re glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks on you”. Many of you ran this event in the past and swore that you would never do it again. Now, you can do HALF of it and still see how nutty a course we can design. And also see who is dumb enough to do it twice!!!!